I’ve never had much luck with dating, but I’m only 19 and an ambitiously loud idiot so I can’t really blame the male species. Dating for me has always meant meeting someone who makes me happy, someone that entices conversations, someone who pushes my analytic boundaries. If I’m not happy, I’m not dating, I’m settling, and I refuse to settle.
So instead of looking for happiness in people, I turned to words and notebook fetishes. And the thing about my work is that I can practice it anywhere. Yes, I’m the old school gramma who still prefers handwritten pages with Dorito stains. Writing has led me to surround myself with beautiful places to inspire me because let’s face it, my friends are no help at shutting the Fvck up. Plus, I’m a sucker for some good aesthetics so I can pretend my life is a live Instagram feed. I’ve started to enjoy my own company and I feel a sort of pride and even a strange romance in sitting alone and eating my homemade Nutella sammich. I collect subway conversations and quite coffees with other single strangers.
This summer I set a goal to do new things every week…on my own. I dress up, charge my phone, steal two pens from my mom’s bedside, wear my brightest and most obnoxious lipstick, and head out to meet my boyfriend: my city. A friend once told me, “how can I travel the world without traveling my own city first?” Traveling is an exchange of values, and if someone in Amsterdam is sharing their city with you, it’s only fair you share yours in conversation and stories with them as well.
On a student budget, I don’t have side cash for phone data for google maps so most of my adventuring is aimless wandering, which I can’t complain about because I usually end up on a beautiful staircase of a church or some sexy shawarma stores. We haven’t been dating long, but I think I’m in love.
Some people may not like eating alone or spending 6 dollars on a coffee or relying on the uncertainty of the TTC, but I do, and I respect that. However, I hope you find something you love that cripples your knees in excitement too, someday. Stop looking for happiness in people, they will disappoint, it’s our job.