An Open Letter to My Brother-in-law


Hey bro,

When we moved to Canada in 2005, our family reduced to 5 from 8. Then to 4, then 3 after Batool left for university, and now we’re just 2, thanks to you. It’s okay, I forgive you for taking what never cuddled back, even after 21 years of sharing a bed.

There are just a few things I want to let you know about this arrangement now that you’ve dropped a whole lotta cash showing your commitment to love her and stuff.

Fatema is a little shit. But you already knew that.

She is a master Instagram filter picker. Always show her the photo before posting. Language filters, on the other hand, good luck.

She’s really good at spending money – her own money, nonetheless. The Khozemas are strong independent women who don’t need no man. Speaking of doing things on her own, don’t be offended if she can carry all the bags when you guys travel. She may look small but I’m sure she can lift you too.

Fatema also does this thing where she’ll sing along to every song in the car 0.4 seconds after the artist because she doesn’t know the lyrics, but mostly to piss the shit out of you.

Bro, I like you because you’re sort of like me: cute and suffering from hair loss. You’re lucky though because Fatema is really good at fashion stuff. I’m actually giving you my personal stylist. Every graduation, party, and experimental YouTube hair and make-up video prototype was me. I just realized, no more “Happy Zahra because Fatema is passing her hand-me-downs over” days. Urgh.

Fatema has a scary a f poker face, maybe because she’s always been the best liar in the family. Just know that whatever stupid shit you do, she’ll have your ass covered with a bomb excuse. Trust me, I know.

Fatema talks in her sleep. A lot. Lowkey, I’m so scared of that Monjulika shit. You never know what secret she’s going to out.

She walks really fast. You’ll probably need to hit the gym to keep up. Whenever we walked home from school or went to get our eyebrows done a block over, she’d always walk in front of me. I thought she hated me but I think she was just embarrassed because I have short legs.

Anyways, now that you’ve done this to yourself, best of luck.

P.S. she’s going to put makeup on you at some point, just saying.
P.S you guys are kinda cute.



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