After years and years of thought and experimentation, I’ve circled back to my original conclusion that boys are gross and will always let you down. I’ve come to terms with no longer receiving the awkward ‘unknown but actually totally known’ roses on February 14ths from my high school years. Besides, I never really understood how the killing of one living thing could enable the possibility of another living relationship.

Some people complain that Valentine’s Day requires a lot of money to spend on their partner, but look at the bright side, at least your partner is not me because I shop at the airport. Last Valentine’s day I was at Pearson at 5 am on my way to Honduras. So unless you’re buying me a one-way ticket to South America, it’s going to be tough. Without exposing whether yours truly is with or without a bae, I’d like to drop hints as to what my potential perfect date in Toronto could be, in case, yunno…

Now on Valentine’s Day you’re either:

1. Single and

a. out partying it up with your also single but trying really hard to mingle friends or

b. at home alone eating the questionable leftover Halloween candy from the year before in waits for the good ones to go on sale the day after or

c. raging in your journal about how hearts look like upside down butts to trash the totally corporate little bitch that is St. Valentine (or maybe that’s just me) or

2. A sucker…I mean in a committed and devoted relationship…

For you number 1ers: Your city is single too

No matter how many side chicks your city has, it will always have room for you. When you get FOMO from your friends’ Snapchats of their #viewsfromthe6, it just proves that you’re the jealous type and need to up your TO game. That’s the best part of living in a metropolitan; you can match your bra and undies, tuck in your metro pass, and there will always be something to do. Some people like experimenting with men of various ethnicities, I’m pretty satisfied with trying different types of food to dine myself with. Then maybe take a walk along the Harbour and wine to the view.

Instead of thinking about a perfect date, think about your perfect day. What do you like to do? Start by dividing between arts, science, nature, architecture, gastronomy, nightlife etc. Later by Googling all the places you haven’t been to because you’re not a tourist, and go. It saddens me to admit I’ve never even been to the top of the CN tower, I tell people that it’s too cliche but lowkey I’m just too broke. I’m actually doing the world a favor because we all know that Instagram is going to explode if I get 553 meters high.

My ideal date is to do something new somewhere new. It’s like Christmas morning when I find a place I looked up on google maps all on my own. I’m not very picky when it comes to Toronto, unlike my taste in men. I like to get high, on tall surfaces that is. If there is a view, there is Zahra.

For you number 2ers: Have a threesome with your city

This basically means let your significant other third wheel you and Toronto. It’s difficult but I’m sure Toronto will understand. I could give you a play by play of some ideal dates but we are all different and BlogTO exists for that reason.

This V-day, celebrate you by doing the things you love. Get laid by your city for free.